Oh, to wallow

I spent all day getting dressed for you. I spent all day trying to look my best. I carefully picked out the most flattering outfit. I did my makeup just the way you like it. I did everything to impress you... but it didn't work out. I never even saw you. I was blown off again. I was pushed to the side like always. So now I sit alone at my computer, crying away my hardwork. You will never know that I cried. You will never know how hard I tried. Because I won't tell you. This is my secret. This is my filthy habit. This is the part of me I'm trying desperately to keep you away from. Because this girl is not beautiful, no matter how much makeup she puts on. This dress is a costume to make me feel wanted... but it was all for naught. This is my memory that you will never hear about. You do not know my misery. I hope you fall for my tricks. I hope you believe I'm happy. I'd hate to see your pain when you find out about mine.