Help....

If I irritate you so much, then why don't you just find someone who doesn't? Why don't you find someone who will make you happy and not bug you all the time? Someone who makes you smile, not frown. Someone who will listen to you and listen to all your stories without butting in and making corrections. Someone who shares the same outlooks on life and doesn't dash your dreams with fucking logic. Find someone who treats you like you are the best thing in the world and someone who will love you for everything you do. Find someone you like to talk to all the time, like that girl from school that you text. You text her but you can't find the time to text me... I must not be good enough for any of that. I must not be good enough for you anymore. So find someone better than me. Because you deserve better. Because you deserve to be happy and I am just not doing it for you anymore. Stop dragging me around in this relentless pursuit for your heart and just let me go. I'm not strong enough to give you up unless you throw me aside, but I'm tired of this pain all the time. Don't bring up my hopes just to grind me into the ground time and time again. I can't do this anymore....

Dabbling with a sex scene

Now I know this is terrible writing and overall just poorly done but its the first draft and I had to write it to get it out of my head. Sorry.

                Lindsee knocked on Jason’s door late Friday night. She knew he would be home; he always was when she needed him. Sure enough, he came to the door in less than a minute looking like he had just rolled out of bed and threw on whatever was on the floor. He wore rumpled jeans and a baggy black t-shirt. Her eyes ran over him and her breath caught. With his hair messy and his clothes ragged, he was the most gorgeous thing she had ever seen.

                “What’s up, buttercup?” he asked with a sideways smile.

                She smiled back and wrapped her arms around herself. “Can I come in and talk?”

                “Of course.” He held the door open as she walked in and tried not to stare too much at her legs. He rarely saw as much skin on her as what her shorts were showing. Small and black, they looked like something she would wear to bed but never in public. As she took off her jacket to reveal a small red tank top, his thoughts were confirmed. “Just got out of bed?”

                “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep and decided I should come see you. You have a way of calming my mind,” she admitted sheepishly. Normally, she would feel more self-conscious with how little she was wearing, but tonight she felt bold. She followed him to his room and sat next to him on the disheveled bed. She worried her hands together and tried to look everywhere except him. She didn’t know how she was going to tell him. She didn’t know how to make her move.

She looked over at him and licked her lips. His hair hung long and curly around his ears. His dark eyes drifted from her lips to her pale blue eyes. He gasped slightly as she moved forward to press herself against him. “Lindsee,” he began, “what are you doing?”

                “I’m not sure yet. Can we just go with it and see what happens?” She traced his jaw from chin to ear with her tongue.

                Jason moaned as she nibbled his ear lobe. “What happened to talking?” he gasped.

                She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. Flecks of green made a hypnotic swirl around his dilated pupils. “Would you like me to stop?” she whispered seductively.

                A tremor went through his body as he hooked a hand onto the back of her head. “God no.”

               He pulled her into a deep kiss. His tongue slowly ran across her bottom lip and her breath came out in a sudden whoosh. Her hands spasmed and her nails furrowed into his back. He growled and pushed her onto her back, their bodies pressing together. His lips traveled down her chest to the top of the tank top, which he abruptly ripped off her body. As he kissed the top of each breast, his right hand slid underneath her to the clasp. He pulled off the bra in one smooth motion and she smiled.

                “You’re quite good at that.”

                “Loads of practice,” he whispered as his teeth grazed her left nipple. Her eyes rolled up as her eyelids fluttered and her breath quickened. “There are other things I’m quite good at as well.”

“Please,” she gasped. “Show me.”

His grin widened and he quickly pulled down her shorts. The red lace panties made his palms sweat and his heart race, but he kept his cool as he traced the top of them with his fingers.

Lindsee growled softly and grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. She crawled over so she was sitting on top of him and bit onto his neck. He moaned loudly and arched his back. She ran he tongue down his chest and to his waistline. Hastily, for she hadn’t nearly the amount of self-control that he did, she undid his jeans and ripped both them and his boxers off.

Her hand reached out and wrapped around his erection. Her lips pursed and pressed against the side briefly before parting and sliding over the top. Her eyes never left his face and, to her satisfaction, he groaned and twisted his fingers into her short cropped hair. He struggled to keep her gaze, but couldn’t fight the pleasure and closed his eyes, leaning his head back.

As her lips slid up and down him, he sighed and raised one knee beside her. Her hand slid up onto his thigh and gripped tightly. With one more gasp, he pulled her off of him and stripped her down quickly, all traces of “cool” gone. He moved toward her but then stopped short. “I don’t have any condoms…”

“It’s okay,” she said, eyes shining. “I’m on the pill.”

His face lit up and he thrust forward, fitting smoothly inside her. She gasped and her head fell back, hands gripping his shoulders. Her body shifted on the bed, forming itself to him perfectly. They slid back and forth for an hour, digging nails into each other’s backs, legs, shoulders. Biting and kissing everywhere they could reach. Sometimes he was on her. At others she would be on him, rocking her hips with a natural talent that sent him into a new state of mind.

                At the end, they went together. It was a first time they would never forget. Their cries of passion blended and faded as he settled beside her on the mattress. Each was covered in a light sheen of sweat. Each had half-lidded eyes from emotional exhaustion.

               Not a word was shared, but oh the tales their gazes held.

What would you do?

   When you are 19 and trying your hand in photography, you take what you can get. You don't turn down a job opportunity or dismiss someone who appreciates what you do.
   So... when the most influencial man in your town says he likes what you do, you smile like an idiot and accept the compliment as graciously as you can. He asks you out to dinner to talk about a possible job and all you can do is agree whole heartedly.
   Afterwards, he asks you back to his place to talk and you feel slightly wary. He is twice your age after all. You agree anyways because you need the job.
   You arrive and he sits you in the living room, giving you a glass of champagne, insisting that no one will care if he said it was all right. He talks too much about himself and asks too much about you. He gets too personal and too close. However, your mind is still on the money and you don't really notice. Not until he rests his hand so far up your thigh, it doesn't really count as leg anymore. You begin your rebuttle, but he is already on top of you.
   Squirming won't help you now. He likes that. Screaming won't do any good. No one can hear you. Telling later is pointless. The police are putty in his strong, controlling hands. He asks you, "Didn't you need the job?" He doesn't wait for your answer. "I'll make this as quick as possible. All you need to do is keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut."
   So, what do you do? You lay there and take it with tears streaming down your face because you're only 19 and he has power. Who would believe your word over his?